


What Did I Do Wrong This Time

by wolfstsrshipper



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Angst, Depression, Drinking, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, abuse mention, its pretty sad, referenced abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25553584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfstsrshipper/pseuds/wolfstsrshipper
Summary: Remus finds Sirius awake late at night, drunk on the couch with a letter in hand. A letter from his parents.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 33





	What Did I Do Wrong This Time

“Hello?” There was no answer. It was dim in the common room, the only thing giving a slight glow was the dying fire in the fireplace. Remus saw there was a figure on the couch, sitting abnormally still, their shoulders barely rising and falling. He walked around the couch to get a better look at whoever it was. It was… Sirius. 

“Sirius?” He asked, taking in the scene around the boy. He had two crumpled pieces of paper with smudged writing on them next to him, an unmarked bottle in his hand that held clear liquid, a fourth of the way empty. He was in his pajamas, a shiny streak running from each eye to his jaw. “Sirius..?” He asked again, softer. Remus lowered himself down to where he sat on the back of his heels. Sirius hummed in response. “Why don’t you give me the bottle….”

“No, I… I need it.” He mumbled, lifting the bottle enough so he could stare down into it. His breath wreaked of alcohol. There was no telling where he got it, but there was definitely a reason why he did.

“C’mon.” Remus slowly reached out and grasped the bottle, gently taking it from Sirius’s hand and setting it out of his sight, next to the couch. “Love, why don’t you tell me what’s going on, yeah?” His voice was barely above a whisper. Remus knew it wouldn’t be hard to get Sirius to open up and talk about what was happening, from previous experiences, he knew just how loose Sirius’s tongue could be under the influence of alcohol. He said everything on his mind, including the things he had been trying to keep a secret. 

He slightly turned his head and stared at the papers. Remus watched as yet another tear fell down his cheek. “Why does everyone always leave me?”

“Leave…?” Remus prompted, a little confused. 

“What did I do wrong this time?”

“Sirius you didn’t do anything wrong. No one’s leaving you. I’m here, James and Pete, they’re right upstairs. We all love you.” 

“That’s not true. How could you love the fucked up, disowned Black heir?” His speech was slurred and another tear fell down Sirius’s cheek.

Disowned? Sirius wasn't...

Remus quickly picked up the two sheets of paper that sat next to Sirius, scanning over them. 

_Sirius Black,_

_Don’t you ever step foot in this home again, you perverted and disgusting blood traitor. You are to have no contact with Regulus Black, the people surrounding You and Regulus will see to it. If we hear news of such transgression on The Moste Nobel And Ancient House Of Black, you will be dealt with and punished, and Regulus Black will be served the same punishment. You no longer have any connection to this family or its fortune, nor do you have any of the privileges associated with its name. You have crossed the line in such a way that we can not have some filthy, ungrateful, undeserving and unlovable child tarnish the name and corrupt the home in the ways you do, especially to the Black Family Name. We have taken the liberty to burn you off The Banister and to have written a letter to Regulus in your name._

Remus felt the tension in that note. It was the last phrase that stuck out to him the most. Almost too nervous to do it, he reached out and took the second letter into his hands. It was in handwriting almost identical to Sirius’s. 

It was Regulus’s. 

_Well, Sirius, its_ _good to see you’ve finally shown how you truly feel._

_So fuck you, go live with James Potter and your precious boyfriend and have a great life. I hope you suffer just as much where ever you go as you would if you would have stayed. At least now you don’t have someone to blame all your problems on._

_Don’t ever speak to me again, you’re not my brother. You never have been._

Remus looked up at Sirius, he was still looking at the floor, the fireplace’s red embers casting a glow on his hair, making his tan skin seem to be set to flames, his pitch-black hair curtaining his face. Gently, he grabbed his chin and raised it a little, seeing just how bloodshot his eyes were and how much stronger the presence of alcohol in Sirius’s breath was. “Babe?” He swiped his thumb across his cheek and kissing the corner of his mouth. 

“I don’t even know what I did…” he squeezed his eyes shut and moved his head out of Remus’s hand, putting it in his own. “I mean… I always start things. I always know why. I always control why… But… this time…” he hiccuped and gasped for air, pressing his fingertips gently into his eyes as he angrily swept away another set of tears. “There’s always a reasn’, always… but… there isn’ one now.” Sirius whispered. “Why are you with me. Why don’ you leave me? Or any of them? Walbur’a’s right. I’m just an unlovable fuck-up. I don’ deserve you. Or Reg. Or J’mes or Pete or Lily. I’m just a burd’n to everyone.” His speech became increasingly slurred. “N’body underst’nds what this feels like. Bein’ a Black n’ being cruci’od to death n’ back daily. Bein’ disown’d n’ h’ving your br’thr’ hate you cause your mother sent a lett’r to him. Havin’ all this pressure n’ hatr’d n’ insanity n’ all these mess ups you cause because if you don’ contr’l the punishmn’ then you c’ntrol nothin’.”

Remus stayed quiet for a long while before standing up and sitting on the couch next to him, pulling him into his lap where Sirius curled into his side. He pushed a strand of hair behind his ear and kissed his temple. “Love, you're drunk and exhausted. Get some rest and we’ll talk about this all tomorrow. Alright?” Sirius nodded as another tear fell down his cheek, down his nose, and dripped off his nose tip. “And I can promise you, love, you are absolutely anything but a burden.”

**Author's Note:**

> a tumblr ask


End file.
